I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
