Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
