he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
