I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
