you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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