mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
