That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
