It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
