new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
