yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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