let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
