how can u be prego again
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
