You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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