Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
