I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
