she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
