I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
