so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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