fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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