I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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