i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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