Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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