How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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