I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
MIDGETS
????
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
