I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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