my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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