how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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