Cold hands, warm shart.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
