there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
