i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
