She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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