ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
