LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
