The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
