I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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