I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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