Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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