dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
