Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
