You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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