i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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