I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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