Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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