do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
