And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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