yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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