The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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