I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
