remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
