we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
