somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
