Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
