I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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