there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
