I need help removing her.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize