sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i think my cat just said my name.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
