you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
