My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
