Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
