it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
