At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
