guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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