....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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